Enjoying the process, not the outcome (more lessons to learn)/Bucurandu-ma de calatorie, nu de destinatie (mai multe lectii de invatat)

Ever since I moved to the UK, I have been constantly asking myself what experiences / lessons I have come here to learn. Well, when you ask questions, you get answers …

When I learned that I got the job and that I was going to be transferred from Romania to the UK, I admit I was not that excited. In my soul, after 25 years of work, I hoped to get away from the fixed-term employee life, from the crazy rhythm of logistics and especially from the commuting. I hoped that the meaning of my coming to the UK was, among other things, to be able to express myself differently, meaning helping people to make better choices for their lives through sport, nutrition, mindfulness …

It was clear that a full-time job and a long commute will not leave me with too much time and energy to dream of all this; thinking that I will spend hours in the car, on difficult roads, to work in a new environment with unknown people, different cultures, well, all that really troubled me. On the other hand, there is no easy life, much less in the UK, where life is far too expensive to live out of dreams and uncertain future plans. More than than, I don’t like regrets; I could not help but thinking that I was throwing away an opportunity, even if one that brought many challenges, and that it was possible later to be sorry I did not accept it. Long story short, I knew well that I needed something real and a CV with a “serious” job in the UK.

Monday, 6:30 in the morning. My fourth week of commuting to work; a long commute that challenged me mentally and physically: driving to the left side of the road with a right-hand drive, leaving home very early in the morning, getting back at night, after 12-13 hours, of which at least 3 hours on the road (on 3 motorways, national roads, city belts and 2 cities, dozens of roundabouts and thousands of hasty cars).

I got out of the street we live on and got on the main road of the city, which takes me, 7-8 minutes later, on M4, the first highway on the route. About 5 minutes later (no one on the road, peace and quiet), at a small roundabout, a big Mercedes waiting on the secondary road, from my left, goes counter-sense and strikes my car in the front (the left-side steering wheel driver, a Polish guy, secured himself only from the left and didn’t see me at all).e at all).

I am in shock, but my mind is running fast: I have a driver’s license for over 15 years, out of which about 8 years of daily driving as a commuter. I have thousands of miles of experience. I have never experienced anything in traffic. Ah, I hit a dog about two years ago, near Ploiesti. An event hard to recover from. Otherwise, two flats, but that was it. While, this was my second road event since I moved to the UK (in my first week of commute, on a dark, rainy morning, someone “pinched” my car, from the left; but that was just a scratch)…and now this!

And so, on a cold January morning, I got the answers to the question “what experiences / lessons I came here to learn”? … all the answers I knew so well in theory, but, as usual, the challenge is to live these responses. So I learned:

  • to be careful what I wish for, because there are many chances that I’ll get what I want (I did not want the commute, I did not want to be on the roads, I wanted to be home; so, I got all those: I was left without a car for a whole month, because of an almost ridiculous accident, until the insurance company gave us the money for a new car; I worked from home as I wanted, but that was not fun at all, because I had to work 12 hours daily (logistics means never ending issues); when I work at the office, I have to leave at one time, because I know I have a long way to get home, while, working from home, the emergencies burned even more and seemed like they can not be postponed);
  • to trust that if things were “embroidered” that way, then it must be like that; all I have to do is to be grateful for what I received (the opportunity to work in a truly multinational and multicultural environment, where I can learn new things in a language with an accent I did not have the opportunity to practice until now, the chance to meet great people, my colleagues, the opportunity to drive on roads that are different from those of Romania and to learn new coordination and driving skills; the chance and the luxury to listen to more than 3 hours a day podcasts that I love);
  • that, indeed, man sanctifies the place (no matter where that is) and the activity he carries out (no matter what that is); the way I am, what I can and what I know how to do, how I speak and how I behave, my potential and what I am as a human being, all those can bring value wherever I work and no matter what my job is; and the people around me see and appreciate this, regardless of where I come from and what my accent is, no matter how I look and no matter if I work from home or at the office;
  • that everything that matters is the process by which I go and the way that I go, what I learn, who I meet and what I am experiencing, until I reach my goal, not the goal itself (to live for the process, not for the outcome);
  • that true joy comes from within, moment by moment, not from what I think will make me happy, in a distant and uncertain time, while the present life and time, with everything that IS NOW, pass by me.

From the moment I have deeply processed all of this and I really integrated it into my mind and heart, suddenly everything got easier.


De cand m-am mutat in UK, m-am intrebat constant ce experiente/lectii am venit aici sa invat. Ei bine, daca pui intrebari, primesti raspunsuri…

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Cand am aflat ca am primit job-ul si ca urma sa ma transfer de pe Romania pe UK, recunosc ca nu am fost cu totul entuziasmata. In sufletul meu, dupa 25 de ani de munca, speram sa scap de viata de angajat cu program fix, de ritmul nebun din logistica si, mai ales, de naveta. Speram ca sensul venirii mele in UK era, printre altele, sa pot sa ma exprim altfel, adica ajutand oamenii sa faca alegeri mai bune pentru viata lor, prin sport, nutritie, mindfulness…Era clar ca un job full time si o naveta lunga nu imi mai lasau prea mult timp si energie sa visez la toate astea, iar gandul ca voi sta ore in masina, pe drumuri incalcite, ca urma sa lucrez intr-un mediu nou, cu oameni necunoscuti, culturi diferite, ma tulbura de-a binelea. Pe de alta parte, nicaieri nu alearga cainii cu colacii-n coada, cu atat mai putin in UK, unde viata e mult prea scumpa, ca sa traiesti din vise si din planuri de viitor, incerte. In afara de asta, nu imi plac regretele. Nu puteam sa nu ma gandesc ca dau cu piciorul la o oportunitate, chiar daca una care aducea multe provocari, si ca era posibil ca mai tarziu sa imi para rau ca nu am acceptat. Mai stiam si ca, pana una-alta, aveam nevoie de ceva concret si de un CV cu un job “serios” in UK.

Luni, ora 6.30 dimineata. A patra saptamana de naveta catre job; o naveta lunga, care ma provoca psihic si fizic: condus pe partea stanga a drumului, cu volan pe dreapta, plecat cu noaptea-n cap de acasa, intors tot noaptea, dupa 12-13 h, din care minim 3 h pe drum (cu bucati de 3 motorways, drumuri nationale, centuri orasesti si vreo 2 orase, zeci de sensuri giratorii si mii de masini grabite).

Ies de pe straduta pe care locuim si ma incadrez pe drumul principal din oras, care ma scoate, cam 7-8 minute mai tarziu, pe M4, prima autostrada de pe traseu. La nici 5 minute de la plecare (nimeni pe drum, liniste si pace), la un mic sens giratoriu, un Mercedes mare, care astepta pe drumul secundar, din stanga mea, intra pe contra sens si ma loveste din plin, din fata (soferul, un polonez care conducea cu volanul pe stanga, s-a asigurat doar din stanga si nu m-a vazut deloc).

Sunt naucita, dar mintea ruleaza cu repeziciune: am carnet de sofer de peste 15 ani, din care vreo 8 ani de condus zilnic, ca navetist. Am mii de km de experienta. Niciodata nu am patit nimic in trafic. Ah, da am lovit un caine, acum vreo doi ani, in apropiere de Ploiesti. Un eveniment dupa care mi-am revenit greu. In rest, 2 pene de cauciuc, dar atat. Ori, acesta era deja al doile eveniment rutier, de cand ma mutasem in UK (in prima saptamana de naveta, intr-o dimineata intunecata si ploioasa, cineva mi-a “ciupit” din portiera stanga; dar fusese doar o zgaraietura). Iar acum, asta?

Si asa, intr-o dimineata rece de ianuarie, am primit raspunsurile la intrebarea “ce experiente / lectii am venit aici sa invat”?…toate raspunsurile le stiam asa de bine in teorie, dar, ca de obicei, provocarea e sa traiesc pe viu aceste raspunsuri. Am invatat deci:

  • sa am grija ce imi doresc, ca sunt multe sanse sa primesc (nu voiam naveta, nu voiam sa stau pe drumuri; imi doream sa fiu acasa; asta am primit: am ramas fara masina o luna intreaga, din cauza unui accident aproape ridicol, pana ce compania de asigurari ne-a dat bani pentru o alta masina; am lucrat de acasa, asa cum voiam, dar “mi-a iesit pe nas”, pentru ca a trebuit sa lucrez cate 12 h in fata laptop-ului; nu puteam “inchide”, ca asa e logistica, foc continuu; la birou, le las la un moment dat, fiindca stiu ca am un drum lung in fata; ori, lucrand de acasa, urgentele ardeau mai tare si parca nu puteau fi amanate);
  • sa am incredere ca daca asa s-au “brodit” lucrurile, atunci asa trebuie sa fie; tot ce imi ramane de facut e sa fiu recunoscatoare pentru ce am primit (ocazia sa lucrez intr-un mediu cu adevarat multinational si multicultural, in care pot sa invat lucruri noi, intr-o limba cu un accent pe care nu am avut prilejul sa-l practic pana acum, sansa sa cunosc oameni grozavi, colegii mei, oportunitatea sa sofez pe altfel de drumuri decat pe cele romanesti si sa invat noi abilitati de coordonare si orientare ca sofer; sansa si luxul de a asculta peste 3 ore de podcast-uri zilnic, pe care eu le iubesc);
  • ca, cu adevarat, omul sfinteste locul (indiferent unde e) si activitatea pe care o desfasoara (indiferent care e); felul in care sunt eu, ce pot si ce stiu sa fac, cum vorbesc si cum ma port, potentialul meu si ce sunt ca om, toate acestea pot aduce valoare oriunde lucrez si indiferent in ce consta job-ul meu; iar oamenii din jurul meu vad si apreciaza asta, fara sa conteze de unde vin si ce accent am, ca port turban sau codite impletite, ca lucrez de acasa sau ca sunt la birou;
  • ca tot ceea ce conteaza e procesul prin care eu trec si drumul pe care merg, ce invat, pe cine cunosc si ce experimentez, pana imi ating obiectivul, ci nu obiectivul in sine (to live for the process, not for the outcome);
  • ca bucuria adevarata vine din interior, clipa de clipa, nu din ceea ce cred ca ma va face fericita, intr-un timp indepartat si incert, in timp ce viata si momentul prezent, cu tot CE ESTE ACUM, trec pe langa mine.

Din clipa in care am procesat toate astea si le-am integrat cu adevarat in mintea si in inima mea, brusc totul a fost mai usor.

2 thoughts on “Enjoying the process, not the outcome (more lessons to learn)/Bucurandu-ma de calatorie, nu de destinatie (mai multe lectii de invatat)

  1. Draga mea Lioara,
    Nu pot sa spun decat atat: esti extraordinara,minunata,puternica ,luptatoare iar intelepcinea ta depaseste granita UK.Ma bucur mult ca te-am cunoscut si ca pot sa invat,sa ascult lucruri atat de utile mintii si sufletului.De-a lungul timpilui am citit multe articole scrise de persoane evoluate pe diverse planuri,si acum ,aici nu vreau sa dau nume,dar tu ocupi un loc special in inima mea.Nu stiu,dar stiu de ce simt asta.O sa-ti scriu pe email cand ma eliberez putin si cand pot sa-mi adun gandurile.Te iubesc.
    Oana.Salutari si celor dragi tie.
    PS -fiecare cuvant din prima fraza este bine gandit ,cu privire la tine ca si suflet frumos.

    Like

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